I didn’t mean to go a whole week without writing, but somehow life just got away from me. And then yesterday was just a Day. You know the kind, where nothing gets done, I get grouchy, someone flushed her underwear down the toilet (not me) and the kids’ hunger strike protest went into day three. By the end of the day, I just wanted to go away, to be anywhere but here. And then Joe came home, and after some miscommunication where I knew I was clearly right and so he obviously had to be wrong, I find out that the poor guy was just trying to be nice (notice the updated header above!) and helpful to his crazy wife… which made me feel even worse. Smart man that he is, he took the kids out for a long walk so I could make dinner without leg-clingers, and the kids were finally happy with what I served so dinner went smoothly.
I know that part of my problem is letting little things dictate my attitude, and losing my cool when they don’t go as planned. Another big part is measuring a day’s success by my to-do list. It’s hard it feels as though I can’t ever get ahead, when everything I do just needs to get done again in a day or two. The same dishes keep needing to be washed, the same clothes pile up, the carpet is always needing to be vacuumed, and many of the things I (and other stay at home parents and homemakers) do is hard to measure. I don’t calculate how much time I spend playing with the kids, how many hugs they give me, or count the books that they bring me to read them as they curl up next to me on the couch. I don’t keep track of all the times that Grace draws Sophie’s requests on the magna doodle (Elmo, moon, and stars, please) and the minutes they happily spend playing together. Granted, those times are generally ended by screaming, but still.
I know it’s important for me to get my tasks done–the dishes don’t wash themselves, nobody else has been volunteering to clean the bathroom, and Grace has a tendency to use her clothes to wipe her mouth when she eats. But I also have a feeling that someday, in the next life, I won’t be questioned on how many days I finished my to-do list, but on how well I loved my family, even when things didn’t go the way I wanted them to.