To Whom It May Concern:
Dear Makers of High Chairs:
Why oh why did you design high chairs with so many stupid crevices, nooks, and crannies? Obviously you have never tried to clean a month’s worth of cracker crumbs out of one. Oh, did I say month? I meant day.
a frustrated mom of a child with a filthy high chair
Which reminds me-
Dear Designers of Car Seats:
What was your reasoning behind your ridiculously complicated design of car seat padding? I’m sure you considered that children in car seats (pretty much anyone under the age of 14, these days) are prone to having accidents of various kinds, thus the need to dismantle car seat in order to clean/launder the padding. I’m sure you remembered that moms of small children have a lot on their hands already, without having to strip their child’s car seat to the bones to wash it. I’m sure you had a great reason, I’d just love to know what it is. And, I’m sure you’d agree, air drying is asking a little much when you’re under the gun to get somewhere.
as if I didn’t have enough trouble keeping up with laundry
Dear Baking Soda Box People:
What, pray tell, is the point of large, economy-sized boxes of baking soda if my measuring spoons won’t reach? Am I supposed to buy measuring spoons with economy-sized handles? That would totally defeat the purpose of the penny-saving economy sized box.
my spoon is too small
Quit being so darn expensive. Yes, I did find your sale section, but it seems that my Claritin still won’t subdue my allergy to paying more for something than it’s really worth.
I’m taking my money elsewhere (read: Target)
Dear Sesame Street:
Why bother with the first forty minutes of each episode? You know that the only reason the kids really watch is for the last twenty, better known as Elmo’s World. I say, give the kids what they want.
I can only listen to “Elmo please” so many times during your show
Dear Neighborhood Cats:
Please stay out of my yard. This includes, but is not limited to, the deck and underneath the deck. If you find it absolutely necessary to intrude so, the least you could do is kill that stupid rodent digging holes all over the yard.
you’re making me consider getting a dog